Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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