If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
So many bounce houses so little time
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
