someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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