I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Pants are for mortals
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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