Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
third nipple confirmed
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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