I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
