I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I intend to get homeless drunk
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
BRING THE BAGELS
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
