A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
