I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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