Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
