He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize