we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
