hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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