Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
