My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
