No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
