WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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