i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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