Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
