why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
