So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
