some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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