I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
