Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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