plz talk dirty to me
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
