Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
