He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
