my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
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He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
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You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties