my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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