oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.