I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
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Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
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yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
And then my night got REAL pukey
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.