I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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