I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
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Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
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It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS