I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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