I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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