I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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