I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
