I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
