So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
