I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
