U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
