I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
