I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
