i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
