he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
