you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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