sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
