I cockslap morals
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
