JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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