does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
