I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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