she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
