Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
