i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
