some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just cropdusted the office
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
a search helicopter?!
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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