he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize