There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
