i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
