all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
My life is pants optional.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
