Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
