I'm really into asian looking animals
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
