i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
