Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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