So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
