did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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