I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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