I want to make a zoo with you.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
