I wish life had little blips of pornography
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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