Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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