Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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